Oil Painting Paragraphs

By: Sean Savoie 

          In the article in the NYCT last week, I wrote about the similarities between writing and creating other forms of art. Of course the vast majority of you, my faithful readers, have already considered these connections. So, now we best put the idea to use. The word “grammar” is a noun, but it should certainly be a verb, especially when discussing writing. Grammar is something that you do or use, like a palette of paint, to express the tone or color of an idea. As mentioned last week, the beauty of oil paint is in that the artist can work into the piece by adding to it gradually.           

            The main idea of a sentence is best stated in the independent clause of a sentence. Thinking about how the background of a painted subject takes a part in forming it, similar to the music in a movie (a drastic affect on the audience), we can write a simply boring, non-descriptive “scene” or very short narrative and add to it with the use of various phrases and clauses to give color to the piece of writing. We can paint the same sentences in different flavors. The main clauses of the following sentences are exactly the same. 

            Boring example sentence:

            Judy walked into a restaurant and sat down. The waiter took her order. She ordered dessert. She left.   (18 words)(4 sentences) 

            First interesting example using color:

            Admiring her own highlighted red hair in the sunny reflection of the brass door frame, Judy, gracefully sliding past a delivery boy who gave her a knowing eye, walked confidently yet lightly into a restaurant packed with well-dressed dancers and sat down, having just placed her fir coat over the Victorian-style seat. Predictably, at the table within four seconds, having seen the lady before she had made it through the door, the waiter, his pulse racing just a tick faster than the last time she had come in, took her order, which consisted of the usual martini, crabmeat-stuffed mushrooms, and dark bread, which the restaurant owner kept for her alone, this being a white-bread crowd. Having taken her time to scout for the next victim while slowly enjoying her meal, she, feeling that another twenty minutes might do the trick, ordered dessert with a sarcastic smile for the young waiter, who always displayed the most ludicrous grin while serving her. Admitting to herself that nobody would fall for her trick this evening, at least not here, she soon left, leaving an unusually high tip for the juvenile waiter, who, if he could get that silly look off his face, might just come in handy some day.      (206 words) (4 sentences) 

            Second interesting example using color:

            Finding a five-dollar bill orphaned right there in front of her in the parking lot of the homeless shelter she sometimes slept in when she had no other place to crash, Judy, knowing she should really save the money in case the soup kitchen was closed, walked shyly into a local restaurant, which reminded her of New York’s Irish diners, and sat down, ignoring the looks given her by the normal patrons, who were, after all, not as used to seeing homeless people as they were back in New York City, where people just minded their own business and did not seem to even notice her. With a genuinely kind smile on his youthful, freckled face, the waiter, taking his order pad from the back pocket of his faded jeans and actually sitting comfortably beside her, took her order, two eggs scramble with rye toast and some hot coffee, which the waiter sweetly said he would pay for with his tip money. The food having arrived with deli-style homefries, she, having just yesterday attempted yet again to take her own life, cheerfully ordered dessert, deciding that there was hope after all. Thanking the young waiter, who refused to take the five dollars for neither the dessert nor a tip, she left, a small tear in her eye and a quivering smile on her worn but pretty face.  (227 words) (4 sentences) 

            Third interesting example using color:

            Kicking her bright red, tiny snow boots together as her mom had taught her, Judy, imitating her dad by brushing some snow off her yellow winter jacket, walked rather quickly into a huge family-style restaurant and sat down, her curly blonde hair sticking straight out from under her oversized wool winter hat, and her bright blues eyes riveted on the fake Santa Claus who sat at the end of a long line of eager, hopeful, nagging children of various ages. Appearing out of nowhere, a red Santa hat on his big, round head, the waiter, infected by the joy radiating from the face of the child, took her order before taking that of her parents. Having spoken at length with Santa Claus about how good she had been and what she wanted for Christmas, she ordered dessert as happily as any five-year-old girl could be. Feeling as if this happiness would continue forever, she left, yelling “Merry Christmas” to the ridiculously dressed Santa just before the door shut.    (168 words) (4 sentences) 

            And…yes, the above three paragraphs have exactly the same main clauses.

            Although the vocabulary is fairly basic, finding the four independent clauses in the above paragraphs might prove difficult for some readers. Generally speaking, the sentences crafted in a typical academic essay tend not to run as long as those of descriptive fiction. However, this is not to say that the same technique cannot be applied to the process of writing a thesis essay, argument, comparison and contrast, or other mode of development. It certainly can. It is helpful to practice developing sentences in this way, after which the writer may find that writing many of these types of sentences comes more naturally.