Parallelism In a Paragraph

By: Sean Savoie 

            Now that you have practiced correcting parallelism mistakes in single sentences in the section of this site called Parallelism, we should attempt to find these types of mistakes in a couple of paragraphs. Below are two paragraphs focusing almost entirely on noun clauses, which, of course, is not the ideal way to write; interesting and effective writing should include the use of many various sentence forms, phrases, and clauses. However, simply for the sake of practice, try to edit the paragraphs below by focusing on parallelism only. If you are uncertain about the nature of this grammatical concept, please refer to the kept the section of this website called parallelism. 

Very grammatically faulty paragraph: 

Who are you? I’m sure many people know who you are, where do you live, and you work very hard. But who are you, really? I guess that depends on who you ask or are you feeling good about yourself. Of course, few people really know what you do in the morning, how early do you wake up, are you eating well, where you go, who you admire, do you feel good about them, and so on. But, it is amazing how much information is available, and surfing a website to Google somebody, isn’t it? Think about how much a detective could discover about how you live, are you working legally, or what you do in your free time. How much information the Internet can provide is amazing, extensive, and with so many possibilities. From the information on your credit card bill alone, anybody can see where you shop, do you dine and travel, what your budget is and, then, whether or not you have a lot of money or are with a high salary. Who cares how much money you make, saving money, or spending? How much money you make is really nobody else’s business. In America, how much you earn, spend, and saving is personal, so you should not ask an American how much he earns. Clearly, how you live your life also depends on grow up with a certain attitude. How people judge politeness, what do people consider a lie, how people deal with their problems and considering other difference are what makes the biggest misunderstanding between cultures.

            How you live, planning for the future, and want to retire depends quite a bit on what chances you have had and what choices do you make. How well an immigrant speaks, reading, and listening to a foreign language, for example, is a direct result of how much that person has practiced, study very hard, and if that student could concentrate or getting a chance to speak often. Whoever really wants to succeed speaking English will almost always get more opportunities, with a better lifestyle, and appreciating American culture much more. Unfortunately, how much time recent immigrants have to read and speaking English depends on how often are they able to speak at work, using English at home, or with friends chatting about anything whenever they get a chance.

 End

            If the above paragraph is so confusing that you have no idea where to begin to improve it and are determined to try, consider that all the mistakes are problems of parallelism. First focus on noun clauses because these are used more than any other structure in these torturous, horrible paragraphs. Remember some of the noun clauses we have studied before. 

Examples: 

Who she knows

What they are doing now

Where you want to eat

When I go to sleep

How you should travel

Why he said that 

If the company will make a profit (or not)

Whether it is raining (or not) 

That she forgot my name

That I have passed the test

Etc… 

            Then take a look at some of the adjectives, which in the above paragraph are simple, single words.

            Next, watch out for the word “with”, which is often misplaced in a sentence containing a series, such as: “He is tall, handsome, and with a nice hat.”

            For those readers advanced (and patient) enough to edit the above paragraph, simply focus on parallelism. Do not be concerned with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, or any other grammatical concepts. You will find that focusing on balancing the parts of speech in the sentences is all that is necessary to figure out how to perfect the paragraphs…at least grammatically. Think of it as a puzzle and try to enjoy it, if that is actually possible.           

Here is a version of the paragraph that has accurate parallelism: 

Who are you? I’m sure many people know who you are, where you live, and that you work very hard. But who are you, really? I guess that depends on who you ask or whether you feel good about yourself. Of course, few people really know what you do in the morning, how early you wake up, if you are eating well, where you go, who you admire, whether you feel good about them, and so on. But, it is amazing how much information is available and how we can now surf a website to Google somebody, isn’t it? Think about how much a detective could discover about how you live, if you are working legally, or what you do in your free time. How much information the Internet can provide is amazing, extensive, and unlimited with possibilities. From the information on your credit card bill alone, anybody can see where you shop, whether or not you dine and travel, what your budget is and, whether or not you have a lot of money or make a high salary. Who cares how much money you make, whether you are saving money, or whether you are spending much or not? How much money you make is really nobody else’s business. In America, how much you earn, spend, and save is personal, so you should not ask an American how much he earns. Clearly, how you live your life also depends on the attitude you grow up with. How people judge politeness, what people consider a lie, how people deal with their problems and consider the differences of others are what make the biggest misunderstanding between cultures.

            How you live, plan for the future, and want to retire depends quite a bit on what chances you have had and what choices you make. How well an immigrant speaks, reads, and listens to a foreign language, for example, is a direct result of how much that person has practiced, how hard he or she has studied, and whether or not that student could concentrate and get a chance to speak often. Whoever really wants to succeed speaking English will almost always get more opportunities, have a better lifestyle, and appreciate American culture much more. Unfortunately, how much time recent immigrants have to read and speak English depends on how often they are able to speak at work, use English at home, and chat with friends about anything whenever they get a chance.

End 

Parallelism is a facet of grammar that can come rather easily if an English student has a strong fundamental sense of basic parts of speech (nouns, adjectives, adverbs, etc…). The very best way for a serious student to make use of the examples above is to put them side by side and carefully examine the differences, upon which the idea should become obvious. Remember that there are usually other ways to solve parallelism problems, or, in an active way, to phrase a sentence so that these problems can be avoided. Use the above exercise to refresh your memory regarding noun clauses, as well.