The Excitement of Short Phrases and Clauses

By: Sean Savoie 

In nearly all types of writing, the creation of anticipation and excitement is useful. In a business plan, without the use of superlatives (best, finest, most practical, perfect), short phrases and clauses often help to make an idea more specific and clear, affecting the reader in a similar way as such exaggeration. Because the rhythm sounds like a person is out of breath, the reader can feel a sensation of excitement without the writer overstating a point. Among the many emotions that can be created by short phrases and clauses are anger, frustration, panic, enthusiasm, excitement, anticipation, emphasis, anxiety and fear. A great many authors use this technique efficiently, especially those who appeal to readers of adventure, passion, and horror. 

Although fiction styles of writing are most noted for having climaxes (most exciting or emotional part in a story) conscientious nonfiction writers also benefit by attracting the reader to the most important events. Some of my personally favorite authors who use the technique to create feelings of frustration, enthusiasm, emphasis on excitement etc… are Don DeLillo, Salman Rushdie, William Gibson, J. D. Salinger, John Irving, Tom Robbins, and even Stephen King, whom some may consider a charlatan, simply because of his extreme popularity and later writing-team based approach to authoring many books. But make no mistake; the early works of Stephen King put rhythm to use, maximizing the effect on the reader in powerful ways. 

A new favorite of mine, Don DeLillo, is a uniquely gifted writer in his sensitivity to rhythmic effect. He creates a rhythm that pulls the often nervous reader into the story effectively, if not reluctantly. Although some of his other works have been more critically acclaimed, such as the novels Mao II, Cosmopolis, and Great Jones Street, my favorite novel remains White Noise, in which a family with precocious children has to escape a toxic cloud that escapes from a nearby factory. The family's experience, combined with the limited point of view of the author, father of the family, as they escape from place to place avoiding the toxic cloud is an exciting read. Don DeLillo trained me to experience his unique form of rhythm throughout the book, preparing me to better experience the scene at the very end of the novel, the most poignant, or at least tense, section of the book. 

In this scene, Wilder, the author’s very young child, riding a plastic tricycle, decides to ride straight across a busy highway. Two elderly women watched him from the second story back porch of a house overlooking the highway. The young child, in perfect innocence, pedals with determination, as the old ladies scream for him to stop. Here, Don DeLillo makes use of short phrases and clauses as well as adjectives and adverbs to depict the urgency of the problem. In order to best understand the feeling of the following paragraphs, you may choose to go outside and run around the block.Then, immediately read the sections below (Page 322 and 323): 

“The women could only look, empty mouthed, each with an arm in the air, a plea for this scene to reverse, the boy to peddle backwards on his faded blue and yellow toy like a cartoon figure on morning TV. The drivers could not quite comprehend. In their knotted posture, belted in, they knew this picture did not belong to the hurtling consciousness of the highway, the broad-ribboned modernist dream. In speed there was sense. In signs, in patterns, in split-second lives. What did it mean, this little rotary blur? Some force in the world had gone awry. They feared, braked, sounded their horns down the long afternoon, an animal lament. The child would not even look at them, pedaled straight for the median strip, a narrow patch of pale grass. He was pumped up, chesty, his arms appearing to move as rapidly as his legs, the rounded head wagging in a jig of lame-brained determination..... and cars went wailing past, horns blowing belatedly, driver's eyes searching the rearview mirror....... Stay, they called. Do not go. No, no. Like foreigners reduced to simple phrases. The cars kept coming, whipping into the straightaway, endless streaking traffic. He set off to cross the last three lanes, dropping off the median like a bouncing ball, front wheel, rear wheels. Then the head wagging-race to the other side. Cars dodged, strayed, climb the curbstone, astonished heads appearing in the side windows.... the horns kept blowing, sound waves mixing in the air, flattening, calling back from vanished cars, scolding. He reached the other side, briefly ran parallel to the traffic, seemed to lose his balance, fall away, going down the embarkment in a multicolored tumble. When he reappeared a second later, he was sitting in a water furrow, part of the intermittent creek that accompanies the highway. Stunned, he made the decision to cry.” 

If you wish to practice this concept, re-read the above paragraph to feel how the rhythm and the action strengthen each other. 

 Short phrases and clauses have the benefit of being more easily remembered. Businessmen writing speeches, presentations, arguments, etc… should determine the timing for concise and sharp statements, just as students should do in essays at key points when listing information, or even questions, emphatically. However, do keep in mind that too many short phrases and clauses may, at times, create the feeling that the author is yelling at the reader. In using rhythm, the best tactic is to be tactful.