Two Paragraph Essay Third Person to First Person Shift

By: Sean Savoie 

There were many different opinions expressed about the Transit Worker’s Union, most of which were against the union’s move to strike. In the essays that I received from students, development was the most serious problem; the ideas were not arranged into a cohesive essay usually because the scopes were too wide, which is exactly what we should address here in this newspaper column. Remember that our new goal is to write two paragraphs with a shift into the 1^st person. In this type of two paragraph essay it is usually better to keep one half primarily 3^rd person and the other half 1^st person (even simply as an effective practice technique). Often a one or two sentence conclusion is written at the end of the second paragraph to unify the two halves. The question students responded to last week was: 

Who is more at fault, the MTA (essentially, the State of NY) or the Transit Worker’s Union (TWU)?  

            Keep in mind that we are not yet attempting an argumentative essay, discussing both or multiple views, but rather a reduced thesis. Stick with only one side of the issue and support that view only. Keep in mind that this is a 25-minute essay test, so in choosing which side to take (not necessarily your actually opinion) you best use the first one that makes you consider a key person in an experience. Now, seeing as time is short, write down the two or three reasons or key issues in as few words as possible. Next, take a moment to recall the actual feeling of the experience, including as many senses, such as sight and smell, etc…, necessary to make your point accessible to the audience (reader). Usually appealing to the reader’s heart is not as effective as simply describing a situation to which most people can relate. Now, looking at your reasons (or support) and considering the experience jump straight into the opinion. Although a five paragraph thesis has the main idea typically at the end of the introduction, you cannot afford time for a shapely introduction with only two paragraphs and 25 minutes. State your thesis early. The topic sentences of a longer essay are now all contained within the first paragraph, not any longer considered an introduction. State the thesis, write the reasons, each followed by a supporting fact or two and get into the personal experience. Briefly think of each sentence as a whole just before writing it down; do not depend on erasing too much. 

            Below is one example of a two paragraph essay using the 3^rd person and then the 1^st person: 

            The Transit Worker’s Union (TWU) was clearly at fault for the fiasco that occurred the week before Christmas. Aside from the fact that the strike was illegal, paralyzing the city and threatening national security, the TWU lost face simply because the public understands the concept of fair compensation. The average MTA worker makes $50,000 per year, which is roughly equivalent to the salary of an assistant professor at a university and much more than a public school teacher can earn. The majority of MTA workers hardly seem to have earned their Master’s Degrees. Having full benefits, with excellent health care coverage and pension plans, the members of the TWU complained and crippled New York City because, under the new contract, they will be required to pay 1.5% of their health care cost. Only 1.5%...  For those stranded commuters who cannot afford any health insurance or are desperate to find any decent job in today’s world, this seems not only unreasonable, but absurd. Even more ridiculous is that the TWU expects to find any sympathy from the public by going on strike immediately before Christmas, seriously inconveniencing businesses and consumers. Furthermore, transit workers, having federal protection similar to police officers, are all too often rude to passengers.

            I remember one of my first impressions upon becoming a subway straphanger in NYC. Asking an obese booth worker about how I could transfer to the 7 train, I was shocked to hear her yelling at me in the poorest English, though it was certainly her only language. Such an uneducated person should not work directly with the public, I thought. I truly could not understand her. Five seconds later she was screaming at an elderly Chinese lady who did not understand how to use her MetroCard. I spoke to the older woman in Mandarin, telling her that I would help her and that the MTA worker was very rude. When she told me she could not understand the worker’s English, I told her that I also had trouble. On the platform, the announcement I was listening for came as the subway train was pulling into the station, so I could not hear a thing. Once on the subway I had no ability to hear any announcement because the MTA worker had obviously never been trained to operate a microphone. I watched as one older woman had the subway door closed on her again and again as she tried to get in the door. I wondered if I was a paying customer or a prisoner. In short, before workers such as those of the TWU ever expect to get support from the general public, they had better learn how to be polite, how to speak English, and how to use their equipment properly. 

            Notice how the two paragraphs in the above essay are clearly different in point of view and tone. The personal experience in the second paragraph need not support every idea expressed in the first paragraph; it simply must give the main idea more strength and directly address at least one issue. The personal experience is especially effective if it is read by somebody who often takes the subway. Also notice that only one sentence forms the conclusion at the end of the essay, which connects the second paragraph to the first.